Great...in theory

I was discussing my impending return to full-time teaching with a mom friend who is returning to her full-time job on Monday, which happens to be her son's first birthday (incidentally, my return date is two days after Belle's first birthday). She said that the plan- take one year off to be with her son and then return to work full-time- sounded great in theory. But as the start date of her return to her job draws closer, she is increasingly concerned about leaving her son all day and balancing her career with motherhood.

"Great in theory." I couldn't agree more. One entire year seemed like a good amount of time to spend with a baby. Time to learn how to be a parent and get to know the baby; time for the infant to develop into a more-sturdy toddler and time to enjoy a good helping of "firsts." And after that year is up, it's time to return to work. Mom should resume building the career she started long before baby was a glimmer in her eye. After a year of spending 24 hours a day with baby, she should return to her profession which requires interacting with individuals taller than three-feet. Mom should enjoy the year-long mom-cation and then go back to earning her keep in the family; to working towards a pension and saving for retirement. One year is a long time to be home with baby. When the year ends, it's time to return to work.

In theory, yes. Exactly. A year is a great amount of time to be home with baby. Then why do I feel pangs of concern about returning to work right after Belle turns one?

I realize I am lucky that I am able to spend Belle's first year with her full-time. I had originally planned to return to work at the start of the school year's second semester when Belle was five-months old. When February 1 arrived, I appreciated that I didn't have to leave my infant, who could not sit up in her own, ate nothing but breast milk, and woke two or three time a night to eat, in someone else's care while I went to work. I appreciate that I am able to be home this year. I love every minute of being home with Belle (especially our morning snuggle-naps).

I am lucky in another way, too. I am lucky that I love my job. I rarely refer to it as my 'job' or as 'work'; I usually call it school. I teach at a phenomenal my school, where I work with impressively intelligent and enlightened colleagues and teach invested, blossoming young people. How many people really like their place of employment, colleagues and, well, clients? I am doing what I want to be doing; what I studied to do. I am returning to a job that I so enjoy in the fall. To the job I had before I was even a wife, let alone a mom. To the career I earned a Masters degree to pursue. To the building where I spent a great majority of my waking hours prior to Belle's birth.

Yup- great in theory. A year with Belle and then back to fulfilling job.

It's just that I have grown to love the job of mom, too. And I can't imagine giving all I gave to my teaching and then coming home to give all I give to Belle now. Not to mention the changes in my workload (I won't be teaching what I had previously taught due to schedule and course changes).

Research shows that children- even young babies- left in child care while both parents work full-time turn out just fine. I have friends who are successful and well-adjusted who spent most of their pre-kindergarten days in the care of an adult other than their parents. Children learn to socialize and share, and they learn to detach from a parent and thereby trust. When I visited day care centers, Belle nearly jumped out of my arms because she was so eager to play with the toys in the rooms and interact with the other babies.I am certain that Belle will be safe and even have fun at child care. But can the child care provider possibly love and care for Belle the way I do and can? Will she appreciate Belle and the time she is lucky enough to spend with her? But, OK, sure, Belle will be fine in day care next year. But what about me? Is there research to assure me that I'll be OK leaving Belle with another adult all day?

Every pre-Belle friend I have who is also a mother returned to work long before their child turned one. There is support (or perhaps pressure) for women to return to work after welcoming a baby that is unprecedented in previous generations. It's a different world for women; one in which they are expected to lead careers while raising children and running a family. It's a juggling act most women I know struggle with. Well, if my friends can do it, I can, too.

I know I'll be fine when the school year begins. I am confident that I'll adjust to the new schedule and learn to teach the new courses. I'm sure Belle will be fine in day care. She'll play, socialize and be safe and well-cared for. I'm sure the plan- great in theory- will be fine in practice. It's just that one year in theory feels like a blink of an eye in reality.